***This post was originally written last summer and for some reason I never hit publish. Trusting in God's perfect sovereignty and timing and believing someone needs to be reminded of this on this very day. I know I sure did.
Today I was scrolling through pics making room on my iPad, deleting the blurry ones and stuff. Then I came across this one and it stopped me dead in my tracks. Technically the picture itself is not so good. We were with friends at the beach and I had asked Nick to stand still for a minute because I was trying to get all my settings right. I'm trying to only shoot in manual and this was the middle of the day and super bright. So it's a little blurry, the color is off.
But I can see myself in the reflection of his glasses. It hit me that this is what he was seeing at that very moment. And his sweet little smile…that expression…it just got me thinking about being seen in his eyes.
In his eyes I'm beautiful.
In his eyes I'm the best wife ever.
In his eyes I'm a great mother.
In his eyes he sees a great leader and teacher.
In his eyes I'm his lover.
How do I know this. It's because of what he does. How he shows me his love.
He sees the ugly parts of me physically…my wrinkles and my stretch marks and my varicose veins and pouchy stomach and doesn't look past them….he doesn't ignore them. He sees them. He acknowledges them. They are part of me and he yet in spite of those "flaws", he thinks I'm beautiful.
He makes me feel beautiful.
Even though our house is usually a mess he doesn't complain about it. He still builds me up as a wife and keeper of our home. Undeservedly.
And on days when I really mess up as a momma with our girls and lose my patience…when I make it about me in that moment and how they have hurt my feelings instead of thinking about the big picture and how to help my girls in that moment.… he tells me how I'm doing a great job at raising his daughters. That I'm a good momma.
He always encourages my leadership skills even though he knows how disorganized I am and how terrible I am with time management.
He makes me feel desirable and wanted as a woman even though I may not look or feel sexy.
I don't tell you all these things to put him on a pedestal. He's not perfect. Far from it.
But his unconditional love for me is rooted in Christ.
It's such a picture to me of how Christ loves us in spite of our mess.
And I know for a fact that He has used me on a regular basis to sanctify Nick.
So when I came upon a post on Instagram by couple of ladies, Kelli and Vanessa, who started up the conversation and asked the question "Who in your life has demonstrated unconditional love, which in turn has influenced or changed the course of your story?", I didn't even have to think about my answer.
It's this man who know me better than anyone else on this planet.
The one who has seen the worst side of me and yet still loves me.
The one who has experienced first hand the ugliest parts of my heart…the dark crevices that ooze out selfishness that demands it's way. He's been by my side when I hated myself so much that I felt like a empty shell of person not capable of loving anyone back.
I don't deserve this kind of love.
I don't deserve the love of Christ either.
In fact, none of us do.
But God in His great love for us provided a way through His Son that in spite of our sin and our selfish ways, we could experience this kind of unconditional love.
And when I stop and think about how I'm seen in God's eyes, it is overwhelming.
Psalm 139 sheds so much insight on this. It is one of the most riveting, unbelievable, comforting, and convicting passages in all the word to me.
O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
5
You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
7
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall[a] on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
13
For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
17
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.
19
Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!
Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
20
For they speak against You wickedly;
Your enemies take Your name in vain.[c]
21
Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22
I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.
23
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
24
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.
Is that not incredible? Even on my darkest days, when I am at my absolute worst, God still loves me. When I buy into the enemy's lie about how worthless and unworthy I am and I want to be left alone in my funk, I can't get away from the Lord. He is there. He sees me. He knows my jacked up thought life I struggle with at times and yet He still loves me.
He knows what He is making me into.
He knows what can be done through my life when I operate in His power and strength.
In His eyes I am mighty.
In His yes I am victorious.
In His eyes I am beautiful.
I so want to live each second of my existence with the fresh awareness of how I'm seen in His eyes.
Praying for you today that YOU would see yourself through His eyes.
Because girl.... you are gorgeous.
