Hanging with Honey {Day 6} - Finding Balance.

This post was originally published over at my dear friend Erin's, Tweet Potato Pie, who btw, I haven't talked to in a coon's age. (What up girl? Missing you.xxoo)    She was doing a series on "Finding Balance" and had an amazing group of ladies share their journey and tips and wisdom. You should go check it out.  I didn't think I would have much to bring to the table when she first asked me but I discovered it's all in how you approach it.  ** the pics are recent.

  This was taken last week after I walked another 3 miles.  HOLLA.
 I'm rediscovering how much making time for exercise brings balance into my life.
Like seriously, how many times to have to relearn this lesson before it sinks in FOR GOOD?

(And still coveting your prayers this week while Nick preaches! xxoo)

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Oh the irony that I'm about to "enlighten" y'all with what I know about the subject of balance when I was supposed to have sent Erin this post days ago.  It's now 11pm and I'm still writing it. And even though I'm leaving on trip bright and early in the morning that I have yet to start packing for, and there are two baskets of clothes to be folded that I can see in the corner of my eye sitting in my kitchen, I still opted to have our weekly dinner with our grown kids who no longer live with us and pause life for four hours while we fellowship around the table over promised fried green tomatoes, have dance off's on the wii and watch ridiculous videos on Facebook together.   Never mind that I have exactly 7.5 hours to get it all done before we pull out of the driveway in the morning.   And did I mention that one of our "golden rules" in our 26 years of marriage is that we always go to bed at the same time as each other.  This means, I won't be staying up til the wee hours of the morning til I get it all done. My man likes to fall asleep with me right next to him so I have to squeeze what I can in before he's ready to call it a day and then set the alarm to get up super early and finish whatever I didn't get done.

Sounds exhausting huh. Now I'm pretty sure with that preface you are really eager to hear what I have to say about balance huh.  Well humor me if you will.

When Erin first approached me with being a guest for this series on her blog I did what we all do…I told her I would pray about it.  And then I immediately told Nick how mistaken she was to ask me of all people…The one whose middle name should be procrastinate.  But my wise and gentle husband says to me, "But you are balanced Stephanie.  You aren't a worrier.  You go with the flow.  And you know how to choose the eternal stuff over the temporary things."

And through the eyes of my encouraging husband I began to look at my good qualities instead of dwelling  on the bad stuff that had been standing out in my mind of all the areas where I lack and that make me feel like my life is out of balance.  

Instead of focusing on how I usually have a basket of laundry to be folded at all times in our bedroom, 

I chose to focus on the truth that I make it a priority to put time with my husband above all else. And focus on our rule of going to bed at the same time each night is more important to him than perfectly folded and put away laundry.  That is what our balance looks like for us. And it works.

Instead of focusing on the fact that I usually have two or three deadlines that I'm facing for stuff I need to do or finish I chose to look at the fact that I understand it always gets done in the end and that nothing is worth forgoing precious time with my family.  And that my ability to put aside all the stuff I still have yet to do and the ability I have to "turn my brain off" from thinking about all that so that I can really enjoy and live in the moment is a priceless gift that many struggle with being able to do.

I've come to grips that I will probably never have a spotless house.

I will probably never be completely organized and my legacy will not be that I was an incredible time manager who could get more things done in a hour that it takes other women a week.

No that will probably never be said of me.

But what I do know is that  God created me with strengths and weaknesses. And  He wants to be glorified in my life through both.  When I excel in area and have a "grip" on it,  it's for His glory.  So that I can help others along in that area too.  And when I struggle daily over and over again with the same thing in another area…it's for His glory.  So that I remain humble and learn to live my life dependent on His strength and not my own. 

"For of Him, and through Him, and to Him, are all things; to whom be glory for ever. Amen."

Romans 11:36

When my girls were toddlers I always thought my life would feel more balanced when I had more time and wasn't consumed with the daily tasks of motherhood.  But then the girls got older and I no longer had to feed them and change them and bath them.  I had more time but it was then spent running to soccer games and youth events and "stuff".  And now that I have an empty nest you'd think I'd have all kinds of time on my hands to accomplish every project of my heart's desire.  Yet with two of my kids living out of state, and grandkids busting at the seams, I have found myself to be busier than I have ever been.

So what does this mean?  I have learned that finding balance does not depend on the amount of time you have on your hands. So we need to quit waiting for the next season when it will "get easier and slow down" and instead soak up each day and learn to embrace whatever that day has for us. We often miss blessings the Lord has for us while we are rushing through to the next stage of life. Don't just survive while your'e there…God wants us to thrive in each season of our lives.

Neither does balance come with striving for perfection in your home and life.   You can't define what balance will look like for you by looking at your friends life and how she does things.  Balance in my home often looks like dishes left in the sink while I FaceTime my grandkids. But if washing those dishes first is what works for you that is the beauty of how we are each wired. We should celebrate each other's differences instead of comparing our lives to what each other is doing. 

I'm learning daily that a balanced life comes from a total dependance on the Lord.  It comes from understanding what I have been created for and then walking in that calling daily.  It comes from saying yes to the things that will matter for eternity and being confident in saying no to the opportunities He hasn't called me to be a part of.   

And what matters for eternity right now for me is heading off to bed with my man and curling up next to him for some very short sweet sleep consisting of  about 4 hours before my alarm goes off to the tune of "This girl is on Fire". 

Hey, it's how I roll.
That's what my balanced looks like.

How about you?  Do you need to see your life through a fresh set of eyes?  Do you need to extend yourself some grace today as you shift your focus to the things you are excelling in rather than dwelling on your struggles?  I pray that today you rest in knowing you were created by an all perfect God who loves you right in the midst of your messy, busy life.  Whether you need to go wash some dishes and fold clothes or clear your perfectly managed calendar so you can have a "fun day" with your kids or date night with your husband….our God is for us and His mercies are new every single day.

xxoo

Stephanie

Hanging with Honey {Day 5}: Porterville Night

This post was originally published over at The Common Table and even though I talk about this topic often, I've only shared one other post about Porterville Night and it was a million years ago. (it's pretty much word for word the same post as this one except for the pictures..yo.) AND since tonight is Monday, which is the official night of the week set aside for P-Night, I thought it was only fitting to post this today.  (If you follow me on instagram or Facebook then you know Nick is preaching a revival this week.  We covet your prayers and please know I will be back soon with current content.  HANG in there with me.  xxoo)


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I've come to learn over the years  that some of our greatest blessings are born out of deepest afflictions.

This is how "Porterville Night" came into existence.

If I were to take you back in our family seven years ago, all three of my girls would still be living at home with me and their daddy, safe in my little nest that I loved so much.  You would find a house bustling with activity…where my daughter's friends were always around our table, popping in and out, spending the night, and just hanging out.  You would witness bible studies with high school girls gathered around my table and lots of impromptu fellowships with friends.  

Then as life would have it, they each began to spread their wings.  One by one they fell in love and we watched as the Lord revealed these special men to our girls who would one day be their husbands.

It was an exciting time in our family.  A whirlwind of excitement.   Watching these precious relationships develop and grow…literally right before our eyes as their men hung out our house  so we could get to know them.  

Our oldest daughter got married first seven years ago this November. It was quite an adjustment no longer having her presence with us in our home.  We soon became grandparents which was incredible and then right when I was getting the hang of a new normal, it was like a dam broke and I got caught swept up in a tidal wave of change.  The kind where you can't seem to catch a breath.  Each time I would come up for air, a wave would knock me back under water.

In the midst of this season, our family moved from living in town out to the community where my husband had been pastoring for almost two years.   We went from being the hub of activity…grand central station to moving 40 miles out to the country to a little community called Porterville.

Porterville is a place where no one just "stops by".  You have to drive 45 minutes from where we used to live to do that….45 minutes away from any kind of civilization.  We are in the boondocks. We have to drive 17 miles to get to a gas station.  So all of the hustle of activity with my girls that I thrived on pretty much came to a halt. Porterville was like the wilderness to me.

Now I'd like to say I handled this season in a beautiful way and was an incredible example to my daughters of how to handle change and things we don't like in our lives with grace and maturity.  But I can't.  I pouted.  I succumbed to depression.  My girls didn't even like hanging out at the house anymore, much less their guys.  But through God's relentless love and kindness that leads us to repentance I asked God to forgive me and I refocused how I was looking at things.

And what came next is now one of our families favorite events……Porterville Night.

I realized I had to be intentional about our family time together so we set aside Monday nights as the night we would keep our calendars clear and make sure we were all gathered together.  This new tradition started when the girls were still at home and the boys would ride out together.  I would cook and we would often play board games all night.  It's nothing fancy.  The goal is just being together.  

We've had bonfires where we roasted marshmallows and sang around the campfire. We've sat around flipping through channels on the tv. We've had dance offs on the Wii.  And occasionally we'll watch a movie.  It really doesn't matter as long as we are together.  

As far as Porterville goes, for me it's more of a state of mind than it is a place on the map.

Porterville Night represents contentment. 

It represents the fact that we have resolved to carve out time for being together.

It represents the fact that we have committed to make our time together a celebration.

You see, in recent years our family has evolved.

We have always been tight knit.  We've always done everything together.

And we like it that way.

But life has happened and kids have grown up, gotten married and moved away.

We can no longer all be together for ALL things that take place.

As a momma, I could fight with God on this issue and stay miserable..

pining away about how it used to be.

But by His grace He's done such a work in my heart.  

Learning how to love what you do have instead of whining about what you don't have is a  freeing thing.  

FREEDOM y'all. 

Liberty.  

So instead of being sad that we can't hang out all the time, I've chosen to be ecstatic over when we do get to hang out.  And that's what our Porterville Night is all about.

Now this is the season I'm in...having grown kids branching out..learning to do "family" a new way.

But so many of y'all  are dealing with the same stuff....just a different season.

The momma who had to send off her little love to kindergarten and is learning to adjust to them being gone 6 hours a day, 5 days a week being shaped and molded by someone else when up to this point that sole person has been you.

Or the one who is having to deal with their kid who has hit the teenage years and you as a mom, who was once their best friend that they wanted to do everything with, suddenly gets put on the back burner to new friends and new activities.

Or the dear one whose older parents are now in poor health or have recently passed away and you are learning how to do life with the biggest void you've ever experienced.

When we find ourselves in these new seasons that honestly, we'd prefer the old way of doing things...

it's then we have a choice to make.

We have to choose to embrace the new way of doing things and discover the joy awaits.

We can waste precious time dreaming about what used to be or..

we can have ourselves a Porterville Night!

I hope you choose yourself a "Porterville Night".

 

Saying yes to the Ms Dots in your life

There is a hashtag going around on Instagram called #thestoriesofourhouses. My wise friend Lori (environmentsofgrace) started it to encourage us to share the memories attached to our houses, furniture and special pieces in our homes.  That is right up my alley because  pretty much all my stuff comes with a story.  The one I wanted to share about today was  apparently three sentences too long for Instagram  and there was nothing in the story I wanted to cut out so here I am.... forced to blog. lol.

Anyways, thank you for taking the time to pop over here to read it.  I pray it blesses you.  

Years ago when Nick was called to his first church, there was a sweet lady who lived in the community named Ms Dot. She and her husband were very active at a church in town where they had been members  for many years. I would stop by to visit them from time to time to check on them and was so drawn to Ms Dot's demeanor. She had a quiet spirit, the most inviting smile and always had a twinkle in her eye.

She would call me often to invite me to the ladies bible study that her church had each week and always mentioned it when I stopped to visit. But as a brand new pastor's wife with young children and demands of our own church activities, I would always decline her invitation. Ms Dot never gave up though and one day she caught me in a "weak" moment and I said yes.  Mad at myself for adding yet another thing to my over committed schedule, I begrudgingly kept my promise out of my respect for Ms Dot and went with her. 

 Well, that bible study turned out to be a game changer for my entire life. It was the first in-depth bible study I had ever done and God used it to ignite a flame and passion for His word that I had never experienced before. This became the foundation for all that I am and all that I am still becoming in Christ today!  I am forever grateful for Ms Dot's quiet tenacity and persistence to not give up on the young new preachers wife down the road.  

Now how do these peacocks fit into this story??  Well, a few years later Ms Dot's husband passed away and she decided to move into town to be closer to her church family. Our church bought her house and  it became our new parsonage. When we moved in, I found these little beauties in a box out in the shed that Ms Dot had made years ago.  They became instant treasures of mine...reminding me of Titus 2 & the role we as women of God, have to mentor and invest into the next generation whose coming behind us. 

"Tell older women to live their lives in a way that shows they are dedicated to God.  Tell then not to be gossips or addicted to alcohol, but to be examples of virtue.  In this way they will teach young women to show love to their husbands and children, to use good judgment, and to be morally pure, Also, tell them to teach young women to be homemakers, to be kind, and to place themselves under their husbands' authority.  Then no one can speak evil of God's word." Titus 2:3-5

Maybe you have a Ms Dot in your life that you have been putting off because life is just too busy to add one more thing. Girl, when you have a woman whose willing to make time to pour into you what God has taught her through the years from His Word along with her life experience, she is worth her weight in gold!  Make the time. You won't regret it.

 And maybe some of us are supposed to BE a Ms Dot to a young woman in our lives. Not only is that a privilege, it's a command for us in God's word. It's how we help make the Body of Christ beautiful and  powerful  and functioning the way God designed.  

Make the time.

#sayyestoyourMsDottoday #beaMsDot