I'm not a worrier by nature.
That's just not my personality. And I'm thankful for that since I have so many other hang ups that I'm trying to overcome... I'm thankful being a worry wart isn't one of them.
So when Nick couldn't be reached, I let all of those fears.... The "what ifs" penetrate my heart and mind. I did the opposite of what God's word tells us and promises us.. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6, 7 NKJV)
I could have had my heart and mind protected by the peace of God but instead... I chose to be anxious. And without my mind guarded by God's peace.. I let it run wild thinking crazy thoughts...
What if he had a heart attack or a brain aneurism during the night?
What if he can't move and get to the phone to call 911?
What if he had an accident while hunting?
What if he's stuck out in the woods and is praying someone is gonna come look for him?
I let fear infiltrate and overtake my mind to the point that I even called one of our church members and asked him to go check on him... To go to our house and see of the 4-wheeler was there. If it was gone I'd at least I'd know he didn't have a heart attack during the night but was probably hunting. Well Bill humored me and bless his heart, stopped whatever he was doing and rode down to the house to investigate for me.... I think he knew he had a frantic crazy woman on his hands. I was so overtaken with irrational thinking, I would have done whatever it took to make sure of his safety...even if I was 6 hours away feeling helpless.
Needless to say he discovered nothing... Except a missing 4-wheeler, along with Nick's hunting gear. Bill assured me he was probably hunting in the area behind our house that has zero cell service and that all was ok.
And it wasn't but a few minutes later that I get a text.... from Nick (hallelujah!)... Telling me to call off the search party. That he was fine... He in fact was hunting in a area with no service and when he got closer to home his phone began to blow up from all the texts... From all the people who were now checking on him.
All because of me.
Because of one moment when I chose fear instead of peace.
It was one of those tough lessons in humility as I was faced with how much growing I have yet to do in this area.... I kept recalling that passage..."Don't not be afraid of sudden terror...for the Lord will be your confidence..Proverbs 3:25-26 ....but I was afraid. I was gripped with terror when I thought the one thing I love most in this life might be gone. And later after the dust settled, this passage came to mind "If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small." Proverbs 24:10 The Lord revealed to me in His gentle and tender way, that I'm not as tough as I think I am.....I'm not a spiritual as I thought I was.... That I have a long ways to go with Him in this sancification process and that He wants more than anything to be my confidence I run to. He desires to gaurd my heart and mind from all the "what ifs" I can conjure up and he wants to fill me with peace that surpasses all understanding...He wants to do this IN the moment I need it. And He is able.
So tonight, as I lay my head on my pillow, I'm thankful.
I'm thankful for Nick's safety.
I'm thankful for a brother in Christ who went out of his way to reassure and comfort me.
And I'm thankful for a Savior who is always at work in my life...never giving up on me...molding and shaping me with the utmost patience and tenderness to become the woman of God He created me to be.
Yes....so very thankful.
And I'm hopeful that next time I'm faced with a choice to make...I choose to rest in God's peace.
Growing in grace and knowledge is a beautiful thing.