A sweet blogger and instagram friend, Casey, who I had the privilege to meet in person asked me if I would like to join her, along with a few other friends, as she writes a letter to her 16 year old self. I was so blessed by the invitation. Here is my letter...
Dear 16 year old Me,
Wow....this is going to be a big year for you. You are dating the cutest boy at Covington High. You get your first car, a 1979 royal blue Toyota Corolla...aka, the Blue Hornet. You make the homecoming court. You get to sing the National Anthem in the New Orleans Superdome when CHS plays for the state championship. You get to go to your first fancy schmancy Ball in New Orleans (actually this will be your one and only so really enjoy it OK?) You and Nick both get chosen for The Sweetheart Court for your Junior Class. And you are going to get some news that is gonna alter the course of your life.
You are going to find out that you are pregnant.
You are going to feel like your world has ended. You and Nickie are gonna carry this secret for a long time on your own trying to figure things out. There is a lot at stake....y'all know when the football scouts find out, there goes his chances for playing ball somewhere... and you can't even imagine facing your mom to tell her. She has barely gotten over the heartbreak of your dad dying three years earlier. And now you have to break her heart again and face the disappointment in her eyes. You will be given advice from "friends" at school who encourage you to just end the problem and get an abortion without having to tell anyone...even a couple of teachers are going to suggest the same thing. And in your desperation... for a fleeting second.... you even think about that possibility....that it could all just "go away". But you know in your heart that isn't true....that it would never go away. That you couldn't live with knowing you had ended a life to make your own life "easier".
When you and Nick finally do tell his parents and your mom, they are gonna be there for y'all. Your mom will be disappointed and she is gonna have to work through some of it but she is gonna be there for you 100%. Just give her a little time Ok? She has been through a lot. I know at 16, you can't fully realize or grasp what all she has gone through already in her life...the hard things the Lord has called her to endure...losing the love of her life at the age of 39...dealing with two rebellious sons and one with a drug addiction...having to deal with running her own business by herself....the burden of having to make every decision all on her own... At 16 you didn't "get" that. You won't understand and you will take it personal when she doesn't embrace shopping for baby bedding right away. But I promise, she comes around and she becomes your best friend in life. You will learn so much in the days ahead from her example of trusting God no matter what you are faced with. She will always be there for you.
And listen, when word gets out that you are pregnant you are gonna feel like you are wearing a scarlet letter....and that it is gonna feel this way for the rest of your life....that you will always be thought of as that girl that Nickie Holden got pregnant. Or that girl who messed up Nickie's plans for a chance to play ball somewhere.. That is not true. You eventually see how God is going to use all of this for His glory. And girl...your future is a gooood one.
And y'all are going to decide to get married about three weeks before the baby is born. People are gonna think that y'all have made another mistake...Nick will start back his senior year as a husband and daddy. Don't you worry what people say. Y'all not only make it...y'all fall more and more in love with each other with every year. You're gonna have a little girl! And you name her Elizabeth and she is going to change your world. From the moment you hold her, everything you worried about...what people thought....the shame you carried...the "mistake" you made....all that is no longer important to you. Oh, it will still be there and you will still have to deal with the consequences but when they put your daughter in your arms, this fierce kind of love is going to overcome you that never goes away. In fact, it only grows stronger.
You and Nickie are going to have two more daughters and they all three are gonna make you so proud. You are gonna love "your girls" and have so much fun with them. Y'all will have some rough times like every parent but they are going to become your best friends when they grow up....you are gonna do everything together and you are gonna pinch yourself on a regular basis that these amazing women are your daughters.
Another biggie I'm gonna let you in on....but I think you already know this deep down. In spite of what every one thinks, you really don't have a personal relationship with Jesus yet. But He gloriously interrupts your life when you're 26 and this is another "game changer". Nickie gets saved and the Lord calls him to preach and ...get ready for it....you are gonna be a pastor's wife! Crazy stuff I know. But let me tell, the life the Lord has prepared for you is better than anything you have dreamed about. Better than any Molly Ringwald movie you've watched. Better than any fairytale you've read. It's goood girl.
And Nickie is gonna get this gray beard that you are gonna be crazy over. I know that is a hard one for you to believe at 16 but it is so true. You can't quit looking at him even after being his bride for 24 years now. And Oh...and sit down for this one... I can already hear you giggling when I tell you, but you are gonna be a MAW MAW! Actually they are gonna call you Honey but still!! A Maw Maw! And OHHH...how sweet that is. As of now you have three little darlings but I feel certain that's not gonna be all of them. :)
So. There you have it. You have a lot to look forward to. A lot of it is tough when it's happening but all of it, through God's grace, is wonderful. Even the hard stuff.
A couple of tips though before I go....
1. Don't let Ms Dianne perm your hair the week of Homecoming. It doesn't go well for you. Like, your hair turns orange and you have to cut it off and dye it three different times to get it somewhat "normal".
2. Hang on to your moms yellow glider under the porch. You're gonna really wish you had it one day.
3. Call your brother Greg more often than you do. Let him squeeze you with those big bear hugs of his. Soak up the sound of his laughter and his infectious grin. Overlook his imperfections and extend grace to him. Your time with him isn't as long as you planned and you don't want to live with regret. Just love on him a little more.
4. Enjoy those french fries and Dr. Peppers while you can. Sadly, your metabolism is gonna slow waaay down and you will gain weight just by looking at them. So eat, drink and be skinny while you can.
5. Don't think that people in their 40's are old. Cuz they are sooo not.
Sincerely,
Yourself....twenty-five years from now.
Now remember my sweet friend Casey I mentioned?
Well go read her sweet letter now.
She has an amazing story to tell.
{Click here }
